Hysteria Has No Place
Commentary
Originally published in 1674 as A Token for Mourners, this book takes on the difficult task of comforting those who have lost a loved one. Specifically, he addresses the loss of a child, an experience not foreign to Flavel as he had buried two children and three wives. The drive of the book is that when a believer mourns, it should look different than the rest of the world. While the non-believer has no hope to rest on and responds in overwhelming emotional waves, the believer can respond with temperance. In fact, goes so far as to say God “prohibits the excesses and extravagancies of our sorrows for the dead, that it should not be such a mourning for the dead as is found among the heathen, who sorrow without measure, because without hope, being ignorant of that grand relief which the gospel reveals.” (10) In other words, we as believers should mourn differently and with moderation, avoiding hysterical outbursts. This sounds cold on the surface but Flavel was pastoral in his purpose. In his opening letter, he writes that these papers were not “to exasperate your troubles, but to heal them.” (1) His heart is broken for the people under his care who are going through one of the worst imaginable losses. He wants to help them. He sets out to do this in four parts: knowing how to see the signs of immoderate sorrow, how to avoid the sin of it, to counter the arguments for it, and to propose a cure for it. Perhaps one of the most useful portions of the book is when Flavel points out the danger inherent within immoderate sorrow. Satan gains an advantage over us through “the darkness of the mind” and “the darkness of the condition.” (81) The condition we cannot control as it is ordained by God and within His will. However, the darkness of the mind we can exercise some control over. We can protect our minds by understanding these trials are times for sanctification. “When God is smiting, we should be searching.” (22) We should search within the scriptures and we should turn to Him in our mourning. In fact, abandoning prayer during our time of mourning is but one of the ways it can become sinful.
He even provides 7 rules for Restraining Excessive Sorrow:
Rule 1: If you would not mourn excessively for the loss of creature-comforts, then beware that you set not your delight and love excessively or inordinately upon them whilst you do enjoy them. Strong affections make strong afflictions.
Rule 2: If you would not be overwhelmed with grief for the loss of your relations, be exact and careful in discharging your duties to them while you have them.
Rule 3: If you would not be overwhelmed with trouble for the loss of dear relations. Turn to God under your trouble and pour out your sorrows by prayer into his bosom.
Rule 4: If you would bear the loss of your dear relations with moderation, eye God in the whole process of the affliction more, and secondary causes and circumstances of the matter less. If it draws your heart nearer to God, and mortifies it more to this vain world, it is a rod in the hand of special love. If it end in your love to God, doubt not but it comes from God’s love to you.
Rule 5: If you will bear your afflictions with moderation, compare it with the afflictions of other men, and that will greatly quiet your spirits.
Rule 6: Carefully shun and avoid whatsoever may renew your sorrow, or provoke you to impatience.
Rule 7: In the day of your murmuring for the death of your friends, seriously consider your own death as approaching, and that you and your dead friend are distinguished by a small interval and point of time: ‘I shall go to him’ (2 Sam 12:23). We are apt to fancy a long life in the world, and then the loss of those comforts which we promised ourselves so much of the sweetness and comforts of our lives from is an intolerable thing.
Flavel’s book focuses on the loss of a loved one but the principles he outlines could just as easily apply to any affliction the believer finds themselves in. Whether we have lost someone we love dearly or simply find ourselves going through a very difficult season, as believers we must “regulate our sorrows and bound our passions under the rod.” (5) Easier said than done but Flavel’s short book is valuable in having a biblical perspective as we inevitably mourn in this fallen world.
Structure of the Book
The book is divided into 8 chapters:
The Text Explained (Luke 7:13)
Moderate and Immoderate Sorrow
Sorrow Permitted to Christian Mourners
When Sorrow Becomes Sinful
Counsel to Ungodly Mourners
Godly Mourners Comforted
Pleas for Immoderate Grief Answered
Rules to Restrain Excessive Sorrow
Five Key Quotes
“There is no sin in complaining to God, but much wickedness in complaining of him. Griefs are eased by groans and heart-pressures relieved by utterance.”
“Surely the Lord of time is the best judge of time; and in nothing do we more discover our folly and rashness, than in presuming to fix the times either of our comforts or our troubles … God’s time is the best time.”
“When God is smiting, we should be searching.”
“He that blew out the candle can light up another.”
“Be quiet and hold your peace; you little know how many mercies lie in the womb of this affliction.”
Recommended Complementary Reading
The Crook in the Lot by Thomas Boston
Searching Our Hearts in Difficult Times by John Owen
A Lifting Up for the Downcast by William Bridge
